My Short History of Religion…And The Positivity Posse Rides Strong
This is to follow up for those who are curious to see where Minerva’s at now. I have to say I’m exactly where I’m at thanks to the Positivity Posse and my concentration on the positive side and manifesting my own reality. They say the things we resist the most are those things that we most need to address. I’ve been reluctant to embellish upon my stance on religion, spirituality, etc. But I’m living it these days and I need to explain.
As I mentioned in the previous post, I believe that my visa situation including my arrest and command to leave the country was a huge cosmic kick in the ass for me. I had become complacent. And this was beyond any 3 year itch, when one becomes comfortable in one’s surroundings. I was just plain lazy. Yes maybe borne out of depression because one of my dearest friends had moved far away. That’s not an excuse, but it became a deadly landslide. I was squandering the gifts I’d been given to utilize in this life. Not that I’m even still so sure precisely sure what those gifts are even now. I do know the things I seem to be good at are usually the same things that bring joy to my soul (and often money to my pocket).
I’ve been known to call this The Church of the Inner Monkey. I believe that our intuition is our bit of God-ness inside us. Everyone has it whether they acknowledge or even realize it. Science has been trying so hard to isolate the God particle, to find some proven evidence, to somehow make the intangible tangible. I believe we on earth are all connected, all made up of the same elements, all originating from the same source which is a higher incomprehensible energy that many have called God. I think religions are different stories to appeal to different groups of people but to get the same point across. Wars are based on whether someone wants to call it God or Allah or Mohammad, etc. I call it Universe, or Source. I suppose. I’ve never been a fan of labels, never had a bumper sticker on any car I owned. I know it bothers some people when I even say Universe or Source, but it makes the most sense to me, seems to irritate the smallest group of people, and it needs to be called something in discussion. But back to the Inner Monkey.
I had some strong introductory experiences with my Monkey. From the time I first started to realize that my inner intuition was available, I could no longer ignore it. Our first dance was when I was in the middle of a career path in an area I loved but which was proving not to be my path. I was anxious at work and sick a lot. One day in a weekly morning staff meeting a hot itchy rash suddenly appeared on my arms. Alarmed, I showed my colleagues and one nonchalantly said it was hives. I’d never had them before, obviously stressed out. A few weeks later I developed a weird itchy patch in the middle of my back. After a few days I showed another colleague who recognized shingles, another stress related affliction. And if it hadn’t been treated at that point, it could have landed me in the hospital.
So my Monkey was squawking. It was getting louder until I was forced to stop and address it and see where I was straying. I left my job not long after. And after a few more stumbles, I received the idea to move to Europe. My Inner Monkey was chill with this plan. It seemed to be the right path. I had to do a whole lot of footwork to make it happen, but each idea and option blended seamlessly and doors opened easily – if I made the genuine effort.
I landed in this beautiful country and immediately felt at home. I went through the adaptation stages. Then I got depressed and complacent. And where was my Inner Monkey? As I write this I’m thinking back for the first time to figure this out. I’m really good at sleep avoidance. When I’m really low, it seems my body temperature even drops a bit and I can sleep nearly a whole day away. I sleep-drugged my Monkey. That’s a sad thing. It’s also a self-propagating downward spiral.
This time my Monkey alarm wasn’t a small curable physical ailment. This time it was a life quake. Everything I was taking for granted – my life in this amazing place – was threatened to be taken away. And I was made to face the Source of the Inner Monkey – my true intuition, my own God light. Now I’m working on manifesting the life I intend, following my inner direction. This bucks against the theological ideology I grew up with.
I was raised Conservative Baptist from before I was born (pretty sure my mom was attending church with my uber religious father whilst I was gestating). I attended Sunday school and church on Sunday mornings and returned for the evening service on Sunday evenings (with sermons usually based on the book of Revelation, scaring the crap out of me when I was a kid). Wednesday nights were prayer meetings, sometimes youth meetings on another night as I got older. Every summer I was shipped to church camp from primary school through high school. I’m fairly familiar with the Bible.
A pivotal moment for me was when my parents divorced. I was 11-12. My mother soon after married my step father (who I now love like the father figure I never had and who had also attended our same church with his ex-wife). They jumped ship to the local Lutheran church. I stayed with my father, attending with the Baptists. I became confused when some of the church ladies pulled me aside to tell me how my mother was likely going to hell for her actions. I wasn’t sure why this applied to her and not my father. And I sure didn’t know why these women would talk like that when they used to sing alongside my mother in the choir, or serve casseroles together at church potlucks.
I bore my disillusionment quietly until I left for college. My father sent people he knew in my small college town to try to convince me to attend their local church. I successfully dodged them and eventually they lost interest. I went through some years of spiritual drifting. At times I fancied myself a pagan, perhaps as a post-teenage rebellion of my Biblical upbringing. Often times I aspired to have the serenity of a Buddhist monk. I happened upon The Secret, the book and the film. I’ve read from teachers who may be inappropriately labelled New Age. A stint in rehab and a few corresponding years in AA directed me to adhere to teachings that resonated with me and leave those that don’t.
So here we are. The things that resonate with me today are Love and Gratitude. I still consider myself a novice at meditating. But I do know to stop and breathe deeply when the going gets rough, concentrate on Love and feel authentically Grateful for every moment. We live in a fear based world, and I have led much of a fear driven life. I’m learning to embrace my fear and smother it in Love. Life has thrown some crazy stuff my way. But after each hurdle I feel like I’m another step closer to the person I’m here to be.
So thank you Positivity Posse. We can change things. Over a month after my police adventure, I’m still here living legally. I just re-upped on my health insurance for another 6 months. I bought some new beautiful plants for my flat. I’m really enjoying my job. I’m having a small party to celebrate with friends. The Posse grows more and more
Recently met Gareth Icke who was playing in town at a favorite pub. His music resonates.
Peace and Love