What to do when you don’t know what to do

which way to go

It’s been nearly 3 months since I was arrested and told to leave the EU for a year. At that time I wasn’t sure if I’d be celebrating my birthday in my lovely Prague. But I had a swell birthday week – the last of October – and still I am here!

My first appeal has been denied. The process took about 6 weeks, and albeit it was an appeal to the police who had decreed the decision in the first place. Now my attorney has filed a second appeal this time with the court system. It’s said to take up to 60 days. After the first appeal was denied, I had to return to the police for another stamp in my passport for another 30 day exit order. That is up this coming week, at which time I’ll return for a fourth visit to the police to get another letter to carry stating that I’m legal until this next appeal is decided upon.

I’m more than willing to do this leg work, and my apprehension of the police at the particular station where I was originally arrested is waning. I have yet to see the policeman who processed me – and pocketed the equivalent of $150 from me at the time. It’s still a slightly daunting few hours of waiting in the dingy office, but the people I’ve dealt with there are at least somewhat pleasant. I’m sure they’re starting to recognize me. And I’m sure to dress smartly each time in sharp contrast with the meek and slightly hysterical person who cried all her makeup off on the day of the arrest.

I’m also trying to somehow manifest the money I need to start paying on some debts I’ve accrued. It’s not specifically related to my visa situation, but addressing the issue is positive forward motion towards my continued life here. I realize the money is not going to magically materialize out of thin air, but I know there has to be some resources I’ve overlooked or have yet to discover. I don’t have the funds at this moment, but I’m positive I will soon.  I looked into getting a loan for the first time with my bank here and found that they would readily lend me the money on decent terms… with a valid visa.

That said, I tend to feel guilty if I don’t do something, anything to continue the positive process. It was my inattention to detail and overall inertia that got me in this situation, and I’m so wary of falling into that again. Some days I’m not sure what my action should be, and that starts to disconcert me in a serious way. Some days all I know to do is meditate, trying to keep my mind in the positive state and open to possibilities to help my situation.

I’ve said that I think it’s irresponsible of me not to consider options of where I could go if the appeal process goes south. But then is that not concentrating on the positive mindset of continuing my life here? I don’t know. It’s my conundrum. And days like today – a Prague-y foggy kind of Sunday – where I don’t speak to anyone besides maybe my cat, tend to make me get cloudy with doubt.

The people of AA warn against ‘future tripping.’ And indeed no one can tell the future. I continue to tend to my sweet flat (getting a new washer this week – hooray!) and RSVP for events coming up in the next few months. I try to waylay the dark thoughts that want to creep into the corners of my mind – what if this or that? I suppose all any of us can do for any of our circumstances is trust that the best possible outcome will be.